If a Guy Won't Call, But Texts and Emails, Am I Getting Played?

Tech Dating 101: He Texts, But Won't Call — Am I Being Played?

June 1, 2009

Welcome back to my Tech Dating 101 series, where I help guide you through the rocky terrain where tech and love collide. It's a wired world out there, and if this next story is any proof, it's hard to tell the difference between a geek and a player. A friend of mine offered up this situation that she recently went through in hopes to gain some insight from me, as well as from you.

She met a guy through a friend who was a total charmer and seemed to be right up her alley in the looks and personality department. After a few weeks of arranging meet-ups via text and email, she realized she couldn't get him on the phone. He somehow got out of every telephone conversation, and ended up conversing online or through a series of texts. She wants to know: "Am I getting played?"

Find out my answer to this question and hear my advice to her about this phone call challenged dude when you read more.

My first instinct is to tell her to drop this guy like a hot potato — anyone who can't converse with you over the phone has got to be hiding something, right? Maybe he's sending you texts because he's too busy with his bevvy of other babes to risk speaking to you when you call. It seems kinda shady.

But on the other hand, maybe this guy isn't wise to the rules of dating, or perhaps he's just text obsessed. In any case, someone has to lay down the law about proper texting etiquette, and it looks like it may be you. If you can't carry on a normal phone conversation with your prospective beau (and that type of thing is important to you), you may want to move on. However, if everything seems normal in person (with great conversation to boot), he may just be one of those guys that doesn't like to chit-chat over the phone.

Either way, my only real advice here is to follow your gut! If the situation seems fishy to you, and you can't shake the uneasiness about this phone call road block, then swim on. There are plenty of other guppies in the sea, my friend, and there's no need to spend this much time worrying about a guy you just met.

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moco-cocoa 1 year

I'm rocking on the same boat as u .... I've have been dating this guy for bout 5 months and have had 5 dates during this period. and plus the only convo we have is over text :( i'm confused ..... any suggestions ? thank u

moco-cocoa 1 year

2 years

Whatever did people do before texting was possible? If not together in person, they talked on the phone. OK, so a guy feels awkward talking on the phone. I say it's probably a red flag that there will be other things in the relationship he won't want to make an effort at either. Watch out for being the giver/worker in this relationship. Is he really worth it?

2 years

I guess I'm really starting to see that too much is being read into the little things by women. Don't worry over it. If he likes you whether he's texting or calling you'll know and won't have to guess. Texting is not a big deal. If a guy only wants sex, he's childish anyway and will call you just to get it and at rude hours. If he's texting as a substitute for a booty call, that's obvious too. So leave his butt alone. You don't have to allow yourself to be used by anyone and why would anyone settle on someone with so low standards. If he uses you like that, he uses other women too. He's not ready for anything real...drop him. But texting or calling is not an automatic sign of anything, neither interest or lack of. Only time will tell that. And if he suddenly stops texting you, so what. If he'd chosen to call he would have suddenly stopped calling you. Either way it equals the same.

2 years

I have reconnected with an old boyfriend. We only separated because we were both being idiots and ended up losing contact. Long story. Anyway, for the month and two weeks we've been back in contact, we've only texted each other. I have no idea what we will become, but I actually don't mind the texts. I've dated other guys and have had long phone conversations and its gone no where for various reasons...including he turns out to be a jerk or the phone conversation was far better then the face to face. So, I don't mind the texts. Its more comfortable. I feel like I get to say more to him and it is always an open flow of communication. We aren't "together" so I don't mind and if we were together I still don't think I'd care. He's told me a lot via texting. I guess, my point is that if he's only after one thing it doesn't matter if he calls or texts you. He'll get it whichever way he thinks he can and quite frankly, a playa will change his strategy for whatever works...texts, calls or emails. Depends on how he thinks you operate and what will work. But as far as texting being a sign of bad intentions...I don't think so. I've tried to use texting as a main form of communication on guys I do like. Yeah, its nice when we talk on the phone but ultimately neither means a thing if its just not meant to be. Like any other form of communication, you should consider whats communicated and do what works for you and yours. Only his actions when he's with you will tell you what he really wants and heck what is he saying text or calling, either way could be a set-up. Besides, whether it works out or drops off, its been really fun.

3 years

There is this guy that I met who will only text me. Grant it he txts me HIMSELF every day at least 5 times a day and we have big conversations via txt. Idk though bc I have always been in relationships where the guy ALWAYS called me and I am pretty old fashioned. We've been talking for about a month now and I am hoping to get a phone call after our date tomorrow.

3 years

After reading all these post all I can say is: If a guy wants you...he will call. He will ask you out. When he can't find you; he will built bridges to get to you. PERIOD Everything else is LACK OF INTEREST. If he doesn't spend the energy of a phone call on you...(fill the blank)

4 years

I met a guy a few months ago. Initially he asked me for my number, but I declined. However, he gave me his. Because I didn't have the nerve to call (afraid of rejection and I was a bit shy), i decided to text him. A few days after we met broke his leg in a motorcycle accident and said he preferred to see me AFTER he was healed and could walk again. We continued to text back and forth, which was fine...for awhile. About a month into all this i decided to text him "Would love to hear your voice.Call me." He replied "Me too"....And then I never heard from him again!

yttwj 4 years

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yttwj 4 years

don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and dealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasinTiffany Ringsg your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.

yttwj 4 years

If it's more than "I'll be 5 mins late, meet you there" texts and he's trying to have whole conversations without actually speaking, you might have a problem. I'd think it's more likely a problem in the socially incompetent direction before the huge sleazebag direction though. I don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and <a href="http://www.happytiffany.com/Gucci/Gucci-Necklaces.html" target="_blank">Gucci Necklaces</a>dealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasing your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.

yttwj 4 years

If it's more than "I'll be 5 mins late, meet you there" texts and he's trying to have whole conversations without actually speaking, you might have a problem. I'd think it's more likely a problem in the socially incompetent direction before the huge sleazebag direction though. I don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and Gucci Necklacesdealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasing your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.

yttwj 4 years

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dikke kus 4 years

I would think there's something going on. A few texts is OK but you can't really go forever that way. Maybe the best thing to do is text back, call me. Call me. Call me. CALL ME.

dikke kus 4 years

I would think there's something going on. A few texts is OK but you can't really go forever that way. Maybe the best thing to do is text back, call me. Call me. Call me. CALL ME.

4 years

I'm a fan of the old school phone call. Honestly, if a guy texts too much it doesn't tell me he's not interested (especially if he's having long conversations via text). But it does tell me he lacks social skills. I don't care how awkward and uncomfortable a real phone call, or direct contact with other human beings is. That's part of dating and dealing with other people. The more you avoid it, the worse you'll be at it. And the point of dating is increasing your skill at social interaction, not hiding behind your phone. I cut people some slack when I meet them, but if they're not willing to interact via phone it doesn't work for me.

TidalWave 4 years

lol @ text obsessed!! I hate talking on the phone. It is soooo uncomfortable and awkward. I would much rather just text someone, especially if we're just making plans or something. I don't see this as shady.

lscrabtr 4 years

Another phone-phobic chiming in... I can't stand them, and will avoid them like the dickens. As a geek, I was thrilled when phones started offering e-mail since I communicate much more openly there, and it finally justified lugging around a mobile communication devise.I don't think he's necessarily being shady. You can be shady all sorts of ways and still talk on the phone...

lscrabtr 4 years

Another phone-phobic chiming in... I can't stand them, and will avoid them like the dickens. As a geek, I was thrilled when phones started offering e-mail since I communicate much more openly there, and it finally justified lugging around a mobile communication devise. I don't think he's necessarily being shady. You can be shady all sorts of ways and still talk on the phone...

allieperez 4 years

Berlin...I'm with you 100%. I don't understand why I have a cell phone as I rarely talk on it. I text more than anything and my new guy and I text huge conversations but our phone speak is maybe 10 minutes some days. I don't think it's shady. What makes it shady is the guy himself. If he treats you great and only texts so what. But if it sounds like he's hiding something and texts I'd be wary. I'm hoping this made sense because I'm wiped from my long day.

Berlin 4 years

I do the same thing as this guy...I loathe speaking on the phone and will get out of it at all costs, but I will sit and text huge conversations. You aren't attached to the phone that way and you can be actually more honest through texts b/c you don't have to deal with the awkwardness or nervousness that some people get when speaking directly. And if you're trying to flirt and aren't that good at it, or trying to impress someone you get to really think about your responses. Also for some phone plans, like mine lol, you may have far more texting ability than minutes available. I know as far as I'm concerned, it's not shady. If he doesn't text her or call then it'd be really shady. Because sometimes there's nothing better than sending a text to let someone know you're thinking of them rather than making a phone call just to say something small or irrelevant.

Berlin 4 years

Miss Kylie 4 years

Normally I would say this is no good but this describes my boy and I exactly. We rarely call each other, we usually just text or know where to find each other. It totally works for us. In the 4 months we've been seeing each other, we have maybe spoken on the phone 3 times but we see each other nearly every other day. As long as it's comfortable for both parties and everything is normal in person, I don't see what the big deal.

Miss Kylie 4 years

Normally I would say this is no good but this describes my boy and I exactly. We rarely call each other, we usually just text or know where to find each other. It totally works for us. In the 4 months we've been seeing each other, we have maybe spoken on the phone 3 times but we see each other nearly every other day.As long as it's comfortable for both parties and everything is normal in person, I don't see what the big deal.

HaterTot 4 years

I refuse to speak on the phone for more than a minute or two at a time. What's the point? Of course I hate idle chit chat and don't really care how your day at work went, and I don't really see the need to tell someone I don't work with how my workday went, nor do I feel the need to share my every thought or feeling, or have someone else's shared with me. I've dated guys who called me every day, even after I explained that it was too frequent for me. To me, needing to chat on the phone is needy. Let's either hang out in person, or just shoot me a quick text to say "hi" if you want to, but let's drop the pointless phone chatting.

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